This belongs to me. You can read it. You can ignore it. I don’t care. I’ve disabled comments because I’m not interested in a dialog, pro or con. After watching the internet since the world wide web emerged in the mid 90s I know that disembodied typing is a poor substitute for face-to-face conversation.
Prepare to be offended. This blog is for free-thinkers. Audience members who know me understand that I’ll follow any chain of thought to the end. I’m comfortable with ignorance, holding multiple viewpoints at once and looking at broad issues through multiple lenses. If you can’t handle that, reread the bullet above.
That’s it. Seriously.
I’m not here to antagonize but I know folks enjoy getting butthurt over perceived offenses involving “controversies” that don’t involve them. If you are incapable of opening your mind enough to entertain different points of view, then Zuckerberg awaits you in Facebook’s banal vision of hell.
The COVID-19 shutdown has been one of the best happenings I could dream of.
Working from home full time as a data analyst isn’t without challenges but the opportunities are nearly boundless.
Not wasting three hours a day in commutes and preparation (Goodbye, Pants!) gives me time and energy to work on high leverage projects which promote personal growth. I won’t be able to tackle all of them but I can knock a few out: keto diet, rebuilding the home network, paring down on the “stuff” I have that has me…
and writing a blog.
And who knows, maybe I’ll get good at some of these things.
This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Best of Trek
One Sentence Synopsis
Spock’s first command (after 12 years of service) ends with a near mutiny, bodies and deeply offended natives on a distant planet. while Kirk goes passive aggressive on a bureaucrat (TROPE ALERT).
Scene setup
Poor Spock.
He tried the only tool at his disposal and it failed miserably.
Two crew from the shuttlecraft dead, the survey team under constant attack from “huge, furry creatures” and out of fuel. If it weren’t for Scotty’s Miracle Worktm there would be no hope at all.
Everyone hates on Spock: from the angry black guy who should have been court martial-ed for insubordination to McCoy to pretty young Yeoman of the Week.
And Spock’s confusion is heartbreaking and somewhat funny. I am totally onboard with his protest that he can’t be held responsible for the Huge, Furry Creatures’ unpredictability.
Bonus Scenes!
While Spock is wondering why his crew has turned on him, Kirk’s got problems of his own an overly officious jerk of a bureaucrat who’s happy to sacrifice Kirk’s crew to make a delivery. Granted, the delivery is relief to plague victims but this guy’s practically gloating:
But since High Commissioner Farris has never been in the military, he has yet to learn that the greatest aggression is passive aggression. He learns here.
Should you watch it?
Oh yeah. Yeoman Hottie, Spock struggling with illogical monsters both outside and inside the shuttlecraft and Kirk dealing with a bureaucrat and his prerogativesmakes for a tense hour of drama. Commonly thought of as a classic in TOS.
Vital Statistics
What Happened?
This adventure
All time
Notes
HR Incident
3
14
One each for McCoy, Boma and Yeoman of the Week.
Shirtless Kirk
0
5
Hookups?
0
6
Encounters with exes?
0
3
Redshirt Kills?
0
0
Non Redshirt Kills?
2
5
Spock logically sent two gold shirts off to die.
Offscreen Federation Kills?
1
10
That guy took a spear before he knew what hit him.
This entry is part 12 of 12 in the series Minireviews
One Sentence Synopsis
Kirk creeps on a slightly post-pubescent girl to stop a genocidal dictator from killing the witnesses to mass murder.
Scene setup
Kirk is one of two surviving witnesses to the horrors wrought by Kodos The Executioner who made the logical decision to kill half an Earth colony’s population in order that the other half may survive. The survivors revolted against this genius plan and Kodos was presumed killed in the chaos.
Oh, and by a coinkydink both witnesses are assigned to the USS Enterprise!
Kirk grows to suspect that the head of a traveling Shakespeare company may be Kodos traveling incognito. But how to ensnare the dastard?
C’mon, People. This is Captain James T. Kirk.
There’s only one answer:
Hunt down the man’s slightly-older-than-street-legal daughter and Keep. On. Macking.
This girl knows her Kirks and she still jumped in the boat. Grab that paddle and start whacking, Jimbo!
Should you watch it?
Yes! Between Trek being a product of the 1960’s and the Shakespearean framing this episode features so much over the top acting that in comparison Shatner delivers a flat out understated performance- witness the clip above. That’s quite a stylized performance from our guest actress, Barbara Anderson.
Vital Statistics
What Happened?
This adventure
All time
Notes
HR Incident
0
11
Shirtless Kirk
0
5
Hookups?
1
6
Bitches be cray cray.
Encounters with exes?
0
3
Redshirt Kills?
0
0
Non Redshirt Kills?
0
3
Offscreen Federation Kills?
0
9
Non Federation Kills?
1
3
Poor Thomas Leighton. Not a good second half of life.
This entry is part 11 of 12 in the series Minireviews
One Sentence Synopsis
Kirk creeps on a pubescent girl to win a race against time (and a virus) on parallel Earth.
Scene setup
Oh boy. Kirk and company beam down to an exact copy of mid 1960s Earth (TROPE ALERT) then contract a virus that causes post-pubescents to rapidly age- only the children survived and they are hundreds of years old. The kids left on Planet Lord of the Flies steal the landing party’s communicators and hot blonde yeoman which forces Kirk to creep on a teenage girl- the titular Miri- who then takes the unsuspecting Captain to a hilariously perilous rendezvous.
NO BLAHBLAHBLAH! Ladies and Gentlemen, your Emmy winner for best writing in a drama.
Should you watch it?
No. It’s an hour where little of substance happens unless willful suspension of disbelief is a hobby of yours. For instance: were there really centuries of food and water available? Was this the only city on Earth II? Why does Jahn (see above) look like he is in his mid twenties? And so on.
Vital Statistics
What Happened?
This adventure
All time
Notes
HR Incident
0
11
As distasteful as pedophilia is, still not against Starfleet policy.
This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Coming of Age
The sporting press has been very quick to declare the Kansas City Chiefs a budding dynasty, and with good reason. This is a team that has a lot going for it: Head Coach Andy Reid is one of the more brilliant offensive minds in NFL history whose offense is led by Patrick Mahomes, who is not only the most dynamic quarterback the league has seen since Michael Vick he is a quarterback blessed with a goodie bag of offensive weapons: WR Tyreek Hill and TE Travis Kelce stretch the field both horizontally and vertically, making the Chiefs offense damned near unstoppable. That alone should make the Chiefs a perennial Super Bowl contender.
As a Chicago Bears fan coming up in the 1970s and 80’s I sure know that feeling.
After demolishing the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XX it seemed for all the world that the Bears were on the cusp of a dynasty. The 1985 season was a victory lap: the Bears rolled through their schedule posting a 15-1 record with no team in the NFC playing anywhere close to them. Even the defending champion 49ers offered little resistance in an early season matchup and by the end of the NFC Championship Game it appeared as though the Bears were in a position to dominate the Conference- and by extension the NFL – for years to come.
And why not? The offense literally ran through Walter Payton, the most productive running back in NFL history who finally had the support he needed: an outstanding and young offensive line to run behind, dynamic 26 year old QB Jim McMahon and Olympic speedster Willie Gault to stretch the field and open up lanes for Payton.
Even scarier was the thought that the offense was the weak link on the 1985 Bears: the famed 46 defense had youth, speed and an insane scheme wreaking havoc on opposing offenses. This video is from 1984 (the year before the Super Bowl run) and gives you an idea of just how dominant the 46 was.
The NFL was awesomely brutal.
It was all there for the Bears. But they only made a single NFC Title Game after the 1985 season (a 28-0 whitewashing by the 49ers in Chicago) and by trhe early 1990’s The Monsters of the Midway had descended into mediocrity:
W
L
1984
Conference Runnerup
10
6
1985
Super Bowl Champion
15
1
1986
Division Title
14
2
1987*
Division Title
11
4
1988
Conference Runnerup
12
4
1989
Out of Playoffs
6
10
1990
Division Title
11
5
1991
Wildcard
11
5
The Bears’ run. Not too impressive.
Here’s how the Chiefs match up at the start of their run:
W
L
2018
Conference Runnerup
12
4
2019
Super Bowl Champion
12
4
2020
Super Bowl Runnerup
14
2
2021
Conference Runnerup
12
5
2022
Super Bowl Champion
14
3
A promising start…
To make things worse after the 2020 season, the defense is aging at the linebacker and safety positions and the offensive line resembles a MASH unit going into the offseason. That’s a ton of uncertainty for a potential dynasty.
I’m not making any dire predictions. And there’s a slight chance that I’m a battered sports fan. But I do know better than to start believing the Chiefs will win another Super Bowl much less three, four or five more. Too much can go wrong in a sport where almost everything has to go right.
UPDATE: A second Super Bowl title- this on a 38-35 win over Philadelphia- has taken some of the bite out of the past two seasons. Defeating the Bengals (a recent nemesis) along the way has reestablished the pecking order in the AFC at least for the short term and wither a reasonable roster structure the Chiefs are poised for a few more deep playoff runs as long as Mahomes, Kelce and Chris Jones are healthy and productive.
As always, uneasy is the head that wears the crown
This entry is part 10 of 12 in the series Minireviews
One Sentence Synopsis
A Mad Scientist wants to brainwash Captain Kirk for reasons unknown while a slightly less mad scientist wants to seduce The Good Captain for reasons very clearly known.
Scene setup
Dr Simon Van Gelder escapes the Tantalus Mental Rehabilitation Colony, surreptitiously beams aboard the Enterprise taking his crazy eyes to the bridge where Spock neck pinches him.
Concerned, Kirk calls Dr. Tristan Adams who admits that the escapee is Dr. Van Gelder. Kirk and young seductress Dr. Helen Noel beam down to Tantalus to investigate.
Van Gelder has important information about Adams and a threat to Kirk and Noel but his tortured mind won’t allow him to relay the vital information. Spock allows McCoy to bully him into using a Vulcan Mind Meld despite Spock’s concerns about melding with a human mind that has the discipline of the 1990s Dallas Cowboys on a Friday night.
ACTING! GENIUS! Thank you!
Should You Watch It?
<Shrugs> It isn’t exactly a fun episode, but it keeps you engaged for an hour. We get the first Vulcan Mind Meld and some good Spock/McCoy banter. Dr Helen Noel is somewhat interesting being the romantic pursuer of Kirk rather than the reverse. We witness The Galaxy’s Largest HVAC Ducting. In action, too! Seriously, you can fit a battalion of Klingons in there.
But overall, the episode is a mess.
First off, we are more than halfway through before the danger presents itself. On top of that, Dr. Adams’ motives in brainwashing Kirk are never even hinted at. Did he want to take over the Enterprise? Don’t know!
If he wasn’t going to take over the Enterprise, was his plan merely to eliminate Kirk’s memories of Adams’ activities? Don’t know!
If he was going to do either one of those things, what was the point of keeping Helen Noel around without ensuring she was incapacitated? Don’t know that, either.
So stop looking for answers or you’ll end up like Van Gelder.
Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)
What Happened?
This adventure
All time
Notes
HR Incident
1
11
Kirk is victimized by Dr. Helen Noel who implants false memories of a holiday party hookup. Oh, Helen you slinky minx, you.
Shirtless Kirk
0
4.5
WHERE’S THE BEEF?
Hookups?
0
4
Kirk makes a play for Helen after she messes with his mind. She protests just enough to not be the kind of girl that Jim Kirk needs. Alas, no love for Kirk or the lusty lady doctor here.
Encounters with exes?
1
3
Is it an ex if they never really hooked up? I’m saying yes. It’s not like Helen hasn’t thought this through when alone in her quarters…
Redshirt Kills?
0
2
Hmm… after a promising last mission…
Non Redshirt Kills?
1
10
A technician may have seen Dr. Noel’s gift wrapping before she kicked him into the high voltage panel.
Offscreen Federation Kills?
1
75
Dr Adams’ mind drained by that device. Drained!
Non Federation Kills?
0
171
You never expected to see the day when Kirk was harassed, did you?
2020 wasn’t all strippers and burritos for the Bartons.
Not only did we lose a cat and three bunnies, we all realized that dog Bingo (14), cat Fudge (17) and daughter (17) are up there in years- it was time to get some young blood in the house.
My wife and I were largely in agreement so I left it to her to select the cat. She brought an owl-eyed calico hone. We call her Momo.
I know Momo is more afraid of Fudge (in background) than me.
Momo is sweet and well-behaved but extremely skittish which largely negates the point of having a pet. I have a teenager; I do not need another mammal to eat my food and offer little companionship in return.
Fudge had become used to running the house and is becoming more crotchety in her elderhood which is more grist for the nightmare mill that is Momo’s existence here.
This gave us teh sadz. With Momo running about avoiding human contact and not having a kitty friend I began to wonder what we actually gave her. I suppose it is a marginally better existence than a foster home or shelter but not significantly so.
And it is clear to all that I am becoming Crazy Cat Guy.
After a few weeks I pulled the trigger sending The Wife out on an errand to get Momo a friend. One each feline type. And rather than leave it up to chance I told her i expected a gray tabby. She returned with this guy:
He quickly acclimated to the new situation.
It didn’t take long for our newest family member to get around to know everyone and by the end of his third day with us, I landed on a name: Buddy. That’s what he is. He plays with me like I’m one of his pack (I have scars in evidence) but he also sleeps on me in the most relaxed poses and suckles on my non mammary fingers or nipples.
But most importantly, he is Momo’s little brother- they enjoy each other’s company which is playing, the two little shits playing me by Buddy begs me for food while Momo hangs back looking innocent and snuggling on the cat condo.
Sweet babies.
Momo is a good big sister. I hope Buddy can teach her to trust us. But if not, she has Buddy which is good enough.
This marvel of sleep technology is a blanket made from bamboo fibers. Starving pandas is just a bonus- the real magic is the blanket’s otherworldly trait of cooling the sleeper off- from anywhere in the stack. I layer the top sheet, bamboo blanket and waffle weave blanket for the most comfortable sleep imaginable. I cannot recommend this miracle highly enough.
One caveat: the blanket is delicate and needs to be hung dry indoors. A small price to pay, but something to bear in mind.
