Series: Minireviews

One Sentence Synopsis

In the Pilot episode responsible for winning Star Trek a season order, The U.S.S. Enterprise flies into The Galactic Barrier, turning Kirk’s friend into an Evil God.

Scene setup

Welcome to our first ever staff meeting. The Management Team sits down to determine a plan of action that will address God Like Friend without exposing the company to a lawsuit. Spock sorts it all out and gives Captain Kirk his options:

Should you watch it?

Yes, it’s a fun story and as the second pilot, you’ll see things (like Spock’s choice of work shirt) that aren’t figured out.

Vital Statistics

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	2	2	Kirk’s Friend sexually harasses the ship psychologist on the bridge in front of the management team.
Shirtless Kirk	.5	.5	Can’t kill your buddy fully clothed.
Hookups?	0	0
Encounters with exes?	0	0
Redshirt Kills?	0	0
Non Redshirt Kills?	3	3
Offscreen Federation Kills?	9	9
Non Federation Kills?	0	0

One Sentence Synopsis

Kirk shows shocking managerial incompetence while the ship is threatened by hostile alien/grapefruit juice enthusiast Clint Howard.

Scene setup

The Navigator Of The Week reminds Kirk of his younger self so Kirk promotes him too quickly.

Enjoy the fruits of Kirk’s managerial incompetence.

Should you watch it?

Yes. It’s a fun watch as the second episode in production order. You can tell the production team is still getting their legs under them (LOUD SPOCK LOUDS LOUDLY!). However, the elements of Trek are in place and you can see potential oozing off the screen. On top of that science fiction tropes (like aliens testing humans) are being invented on the fly and it’s pretty cool seeing a cliche in the pram, if I may be so British about it .

Vital Statistics

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	3	Freakout!
Shirtless Kirk	1	1.5	Dr. McCoy needs to examine the Captain to distill Kirk’s manliness.
Hookups?	0	1
Encounters with exes?	0	0
Redshirt Kills?	0	0
Non Redshirt Kills?	0	3
Offscreen Federation Kills?	0	9
Non Federation Kills?	0	0

One Sentence Synopsis: Kirk has to intervene when his Evil Twin commits an HR violation.

Scene setup: The transporter malfunctions so disastrously it violates the Law of Conservation of Mass by splitting splits creatures in two: a passive, docile version and the more entertaining id-driven one.

Kirk travels through the broken transporter and is broken in Shatnerian fashion.

Should you watch it? If you don’t like Shatner overacting, I cannot help you..

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	2	6	Attempted rape is one. Spock gets a bonus violation for making a totally inappropriate joke at a victim of sexual assault. While not really an HR violation I was amused when evil Kirk was willing to leave Sulu to freeze to death on the planet below.
Shirtless Kirk	1	2.5	Gotta get out of that stuffy uniform after a day of surveying an alien world.
Hookups?	0	0	Attempted rape doesn’t count.
Encounters with exes?	0	0
Redshirt Kills?	0	0
Non Redshirt Kills?	0	0
Offscreen Federation Kills?	0	0
Non Federation Kills?	0	0

One Sentence Synopsis

McCoy’s ex-girlfriend is a monster who sucks the life out of men.

Scene setup

McCoy’s ex-girlfriend has been replaced with a salt-sucking monster which needs to feed on our intrepid Captain Kirk. McCoy is torn between his boss and the best sex he’s ever had.

Should you watch it?

You get some McCoy but there’s not much else that stands out in this Monster Of The Week episode.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	7	Not really an HR incident but McCoy is so hot for his ex that Kirk is forced to order the good doctor to stop thinking with his glands. How’s that for a turnabout? What is closer to an HR violation is Kirk sending assurances to an Hispanic Commander that his chili peppers are on the way.
Shirtless Kirk	0	2.5
Hookups?	1	2	Crewman Darnell may have got a little grindy action before he was murdered judging by the fact he was found flat on his back. Yowza!
Encounters with exes?	1	1	Jeez, McCoy. Get over it already.
Redshirt Kills?	0	0	When will it happen? Was red dye expensive in the 23rd century?
Non Redshirt Kills?	3	6	Three non redshirted guest actors killed by the salt sucker.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	0	9
Non Federation Kills?	1	1	The monster murders her own husband because of course she does..

One Sentence Synopsis: Poorly Trained Crew Member returns contaminated from an away mission and gets the crew REAL fucked up.

Scene setup: Poorly Trained Crew Member sits down for a meal after returning filthy from an away mission. His unhinged rant reveals the writer’s uncertainty about the show’s premise.

Should you watch it?

Yes. We get our first Vulcan Neck Pinch, plenty of insight into Spock and Kirk sprinkled with funny little moments from secondary characters. And Navigator of the Week Reilly is a treat.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	0	7	I’m saying no, but Kirk slaps a sobbing Spock to get him with the program, Sulu sexually harasses several male members of the crew by running around topless and Navigator of the Week Kevin Reilly annoys the shit out of everyone with his off-key caterwauling. However, I give them a pass because of the contamination.
Shirtless Kirk	0	2.5	McCoy rips Kirk’s sleeve off to administer a hypo. Keep Trying, Doc!
Hookups?	0	2	There were a couple of clumsy hookups, one involving Nurse Horsey and a second featuring Uhura but no huggin or kissin.
Encounters with exes?	0	1
Redshirt Kills?	0	0	OMG get it over with!
Non Redshirt Kills?	1	7	You just saw it: suicide by butter knife. Boss move, Joe. Boss move.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	6	15	I have six in my notes; this is the count of scientists that I suppose died at the research station during the teaser.
Non Federation Kills?	0	1

One Sentence Synopsis

Kirk is a horrible foster dad to a teenager with God Like Powers.

Scene setup

Charles Evans lived by himself on a barren planet after a spaceship crash. Rescued by the United Earth Space Probe Agency (UESPA)(?) and transferred to the Enterprise, the now 17 year old Charlie struggles with social conventions. Captain Kirk tries to explain the right way to treat women. They then ride a Magical Elevator ala Willie Wonka.

Should you watch it?

Yes, this is solid story about adolescence with a strong performance by guest star Robert Walker as Charlie.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	8	Charlie smacked dat ass pretty good and if I were the HR Director, I’d have a chat with the Good Captain.r
Shirtless Kirk	0	2.5	A Jim Kirk Workout is shirtless by definition, Friends.
Hookups?	0	2	Sadly, watching Charlie’s clumsy passes and desperation is like a televised look into my sad soul.
Encounters with exes?	0	1
Redshirt Kills?	0	0	Still not a single one. Where are you, writers?
Non Redshirt Kills?	0	7	Lots of vanishes (Charlie sends people away with his God Like Powers) but not a single true kill in the lot though we only see Charile’s girlfriend/victim return from The Other Place.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	20	35	After the Magic Elevator Ride, Charlie makes the Antares go “boom.” It was an old ship.
Non Federation Kills?	0	1

One Sentence Synopsis

Kirk must handle another thorny HR incident while avoiding interstellar war.

Scene setup

Earth and the Romulan Star Empire fought a vicious war one hundred years before the events depicted here. Neither side saw the other during that war: the technology of the time did not permit video ship-to-ship communications or the ability to take prisoners.

Among the victims of that war were several relatives of Stiles, our Navigator Of The Week. Stiles carries bitterness towards the Romulans for his family’s loss in that distant war. When the Enterprise encounters destroyed Earth outposts along the Earth-Romulan Treaty Boundary, Stiles immediately blames the Romulans.

Then this happens…

Should you watch it?

Absolutely, this is the first “must see” episode of the Original Series. We get our first look at the Romulans who serve as a recurring adversary throughout the franchise, we see Kirk and the crew react realistically under stress and get some excellent ship tactics.

As the cherry on top, the writers give us a study on war’s impact at a psychological level- no one in the story is “evil” or “bad” despite the actions they take. It all flows from places any of us could find ourselves in: duty bound soldiers fighting people who are not their personal enemies for reasons they can’t control- or in Stiles’ case a man trapped by his own memories of a war he never even fought in.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	8	Stiles is totally bigoted and contemptuous towards Spock in this episode and all Kirk can muster in response is commanding Stiles to keep the raycess in his quarters.
Shirtless Kirk	0	2.5	Ship to ship combat requires full uniforms. No shirt, no shoes, no war.
Hookups?	0	2	Weapons Officer Tomlinson almost gets married but there’s no combat nookie to be seen.
Encounters with exes?	0	1
Redshirt Kills?	0	0	OMG get it over with!
Non Redshirt Kills?	1	7	Weapons Officer Tomlinson (OUCH) and Commander Hansen on Outpost 4.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	39	74	Three other outposts destroyed with an estimated 10 crewmembers each.
Non Federation Kills?	170	171	All Romulans die when the Bird of Prey’s captain fulfills his Final Duty.

One Sentence Synopsis

Nurse Chapel’s Ex is a Mad Scientist with a dream, a dream of replacing all humans with androids.

Scene setup

Kirk lands with Nurse Horsey Face Producer’s Squeeze Chapel to meet her ex, Dr. Roger Korby. Trapped on a dead planet, Korby has come up with the brilliant idea to start up the previous owners’ business of exporting androids to serve and replace people. Kirk suspects this is a bad idea once Korby creates a RoboKirk.

But how to stop this terrible business plan?

Kirk devises a dual strategy: first, use Kirkly swagger to confuse the female android about love.

Secondly, sabotage RoboKirk– a VERY popular Trek trope– to create a walking HR violation to raise Spock’s suspicions. Because The Good Captain has proven himself a level headed, effective manager thus far.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	10	RoboKirk is totally bigoted and contemptuous towards Spock in this episode. Legally, I suppose Kirk is off the hook but I’m still counting it.
Shirtless Kirk	1	4.5	Not even a mad scientist would create RoboKirk from a shirted mold. That’s just wrong.
Hookups?	2	4	Kirk kisses Andrea the Android who is so excited about the feelings that stir deep inside that she kisses Nurse Chapel’s ex. Not a good look. Andrea then tries to hook up with RoboKirk who rejects her advances in Spockian fashion. Andrea kills him for that. Andrea, still desperate for love, tries to hookup with Dr. Korby- who phasers her for the effort. I’m scoring these latter two attempts as a half hookup each for the delicious connection of sex and death.
Encounters with exes?	1	2	Christine’s ex is full of surprises. That what she gets for letting him go.
Redshirt Kills?	2	2	Finally! The Seal is broken, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Non Redshirt Kills?	0	9	Three non redshirted guest actors killed by the salt sucker.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	0	74
Non Federation Kills?	0	171	No one was truly alive on the planet so no points there…

One Sentence Synopsis

A Mad Scientist wants to brainwash Captain Kirk for reasons unknown while a slightly less mad scientist wants to seduce The Good Captain for reasons very clearly known.

Scene setup

Dr Simon Van Gelder escapes the Tantalus Mental Rehabilitation Colony, surreptitiously beams aboard the Enterprise taking his crazy eyes to the bridge where Spock neck pinches him.

Concerned, Kirk calls Dr. Tristan Adams who admits that the escapee is Dr. Van Gelder. Kirk and young seductress Dr. Helen Noel beam down to Tantalus to investigate.

Van Gelder has important information about Adams and a threat to Kirk and Noel but his tortured mind won’t allow him to relay the vital information. Spock allows McCoy to bully him into using a Vulcan Mind Meld despite Spock’s concerns about melding with a human mind that has the discipline of the 1990s Dallas Cowboys on a Friday night.

Should You Watch It?

<Shrugs> It isn’t exactly a fun episode, but it keeps you engaged for an hour. We get the first Vulcan Mind Meld and some good Spock/McCoy banter. Dr Helen Noel is somewhat interesting being the romantic pursuer of Kirk rather than the reverse. We witness The Galaxy’s Largest HVAC Ducting. In action, too! Seriously, you can fit a battalion of Klingons in there.

But overall, the episode is a mess.

First off, we are more than halfway through before the danger presents itself. On top of that, Dr. Adams’ motives in brainwashing Kirk are never even hinted at. Did he want to take over the Enterprise? Don’t know!

If he wasn’t going to take over the Enterprise, was his plan merely to eliminate Kirk’s memories of Adams’ activities? Don’t know!

If he was going to do either one of those things, what was the point of keeping Helen Noel around without ensuring she was incapacitated? Don’t know that, either.

So stop looking for answers or you’ll end up like Van Gelder.

Vital Statistics (This episode / series to date)

What Happened?	This adventure	All time	Notes
HR Incident	1	11	Kirk is victimized by Dr. Helen Noel who implants false memories of a holiday party hookup. Oh, Helen you slinky minx, you.
Shirtless Kirk	0	4.5	WHERE’S THE BEEF?
Hookups?	0	4	Kirk makes a play for Helen after she messes with his mind. She protests just enough to not be the kind of girl that Jim Kirk needs. Alas, no love for Kirk or the lusty lady doctor here.
Encounters with exes?	1	3	Is it an ex if they never really hooked up? I’m saying yes. It’s not like Helen hasn’t thought this through when alone in her quarters…
Redshirt Kills?	0	2	Hmm… after a promising last mission…
Non Redshirt Kills?	1	10	A technician may have seen Dr. Noel’s gift wrapping before she kicked him into the high voltage panel.
Offscreen Federation Kills?	1	75	Dr Adams’ mind drained by that device. Drained!
Non Federation Kills?	0	171